Early this week, Jennifer completed a decision. Where there is pain and confusion, despair and doubt, we long for the end to suffering. For some, life no longer has any choices but one. Life leaves scars that the suffering can not find the inner resources to heal. The inner pain was too great – pain that she had contained within herself for years, pain that often lashed out in anger, mostly at herself. Jenn chose to end the suffering for herself. The mind was exhausted, the heart frightened, and the end taken. The suffering does not end, however, for those who have loved and cared for her. Friends and family are left with feelings of shock, betrayal, anger, sadness, and – in time – compassion and forgiveness. Those who are left ask and continue to ask, “What could I have done? Why didn’t I see it?” No one knows. And nothing will bring her back. No one is responsible for Jenn’s choice but Jennsand this
We come into this time with a range of emotions as deep and complex as the young woman we are remembering. Here there is love – and the searing pain of separation. Here there is anger – and the futile search to understand why Jennifer could not weather the despair that locked her alone into her self. Here there are questions – why, mostly. Why? Some of you come feeling bruised by this death and asking what you could have done to prevent it. Jenn’s choice to die touches the despair that courts many of us in our own moments of loneliness and threatens the structures of meaning that affirm our own lives. Let us remember that no single act of desperation can define a life. No matter how stalked by pain, Jennifer’s life also had its moments of delight and happiness, caring and friendship, sharing and love. Death by choice is not a denial of life; it is the cry of despair for more life. It grows from a deep personal alienation or profound suffering and is carried out alone, after a struggle within the self. When a death such as this cuts across life in its fullness, we are left with a certain incompleteness. We know that Jennifer leaves much unfinished, unfulfilled, unsaid. There are still other things you wanted to share with her, and she with you: Graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren; another walk on the lake at sunset with friends, another shopping spree, another video game. This sadness for the loss of this life, full and blossoming, mingles with the sadness for the loss of possibilities not realized.It's so difficult to find words of comfort for the family and friends who suffered through this tragedy, but Ms. York says them well. Rest in Peace, Jenn.
Friday, February 19, 2021
So, unless you're in Cancun, you know Texas is going through the worst winter it's ever had in a thousand years. Up to three inches of snow in San Antonio, which is central Texas, and higher amounts in the northern states like Dallas, Amarillo etc. While it's pretty when it falls and builds up and can be fun to play in....we're over it.
My daughter's attempt at building a snow-dog
I live an hour southeast of San Antonio, where we got about an inch of snow on top of an inch of ice. We live in the country and it's always windy so our drifts were about a foot or so. Our morning temperatures dropped to 9 degrees on Monday and gradually warmed to the twenties as of this morning.
Because Texas is a southern, tropical-ish state, a large majority aren't prepared for the cold. No one owns parkas, or ski caps, snow boots or long-johns. Very few have fireplaces or wood burning stoves. However, because we lived in Illinois and once upon a time in Alaska, my husband and I still own 'snow' clothing and my daughter has some from when we were in Illinois two years ago.Because we live an hour from San Antonio, we didn't have to suffer too long without power (only one day)...although we've been without water since Tuesday. I had to melt snow to finish my dishes and once the water started to trickle in from the faucet I filled my large gumbo pot so I could continue washing dishes, although the water stopped flowing due to the freeze on Wednesday. My husband brought home two 5 gallon buckets of water from work so we could fill the toilet tanks. Fortunately, I had filled four 5 gallon jugs of Primo water on Saturday, so we have plenty to drink. As of this morning, our water is back on...but we'll see how long that will last because there is a leak in the laundry room.
And, let's not forget the animals. We have six stray cats and a stray dog on the property. I've been trying to keep them warm as best I can. I have a large 9 foot long box with a comforter in the carport for them. I've been leaving out plenty of food and have been melting the water that keeps turning to ice so they have something to drink. So far, they're faring well.
All of that sounds horrible, huh? But, everything we've gone through, is Nothing compared to what others are going through in the state. People are dying. Not just in the big cities but in the smaller communities (like the town I live in) because their homes are not well insulated and of course they don't have the clothing or blankets to snuggle in.
Some of our northern friends can't seem to understand what all the 'hoopla' is about, after all they go through this all the time. *eye roll* But the insensitivity is two-fold, as many along the gulf coast can't see to understand why they can't handle a hurricane.
Anyway....by the grace of God, our temperatures will be going up....mid sixties by Monday, which is when many of us will see what damage was done to our pipes. The fight is not done.
There was an article in Rolling Stone about what you can do to help those in need. You can find it here.
Thank you for reading. I hope, wherever you are, you're staying safe and warm.
Peace and love. ✌️
Monday, February 01, 2021
My title [song] Obsession is by Aminotion. Now you can get the song stuck in your head like it has mine. You're welcome.
So, long time no post....not that anyone has noticed. Honestly, I keep forgetting I have a blog and that I'm supposed to write on it. Also....I can't really think of anything to post. But today, while I was munching on some Milk Duds, I realized...they are my newest obsession. I go through many obsessions...mostly food items (yes, I consider candy food).
Like I said, right now it's Milk Duds before them it was Bartlett Pears. My obsessions usually only last a few months. So far I've also eaten through my obsession with watermelon, sour saltwater taffy (from Bucee's in Texas), popcorn, apples...I think that's it. So, not a large list.
I've never really been an obsessive type...I guess that's why they don't last long. Or could be that ADD I keep hearing about. 🤔
What about you? Any obsession you want to share? Anything you think would appeal to me?
Let me know.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
As you're aware, today is Independence Day!! Also known as Inauguration Day. Today we get a new, more qualified, much better man as president. Talk about having a weight removed.
Anyway...today is also another important day in my life. My mother's birthday. Below is a repost of a blog I wrote back in 2014. Oh, and the title song is by Pink.
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes.
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh.
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Monday, January 18, 2021
In case you don't know the song, it's by Natasha Bedingfield I've always loved this song, probably because I often stop working on a wip (work-in-progress) in the middle of the story. Most of the reason is self-doubt (story of my life) and part is the story took a turn I wasn't expecting and now I have to rethink it all.
Nora Roberts is famous for saying "you can fix anything but a blank page", which means, just write. But, really, it's not as easy as many think. You can't just sit down and vomit words onto a page and hope they tell a compelling story. Nine times out of ten it's compelling to you, but send it to an agent or editor and you get:
Thank you for thinking to query me, although it doesn’t seem like a good fit for my list at this time. I wish you the best of luck finding an agent.
We're sorry, but your project is not a fit for our agency at this time, so we will have to pass. Thank you for considering us and best of luck with your future queries.
Yes, those are from an agents who I submitted Body & Soul to. I don't think they actually read my submissions and probably gave them to an associate who wouldn't know a good story if a library fell on her.
For now, at least.
I don't even know why I bother with agents anymore. I've had two...which felt like validation that I was a good writer. But then, one decided to become an editor and dropped me....not even offering to publish the book we were working on together 🙄 and the second agent couldn't decide if she wanted to work at a prestigious agency (where she already was), open up an agency with another agent, or open her own agency. In the end, she did all three. Her venture on her own became all about her and how much money I could make her and how many books I could spit out a year. Uh...I'm not that prolific a writer.
That was all back in 2007 and needless to say, we parted ways. I haven't had an agent since...although I've published FIVE books in that time. I have submitted my work to other agents and editors over the years....those rejections above just two of the handful I received. Two of those rejected books--House of Cards and Body & Soul-- even won a Reader's Award for Best Book in their category.
I have to wonder...did they reject me because my books are set in south Texas....predominately Mexican towns? And that my characters are Mexican? It wouldn't surprise me in the least. For all their bluster about inclusion of "authors of color" as we're called, they pass on more non-white authors than white.
Anyway...I know I shouldn't let any of that stop me from writing because I still publish my work and eventually I'll pick up more readers. But it's very discouraging and disheartening sometimes.
Anyway...again...at the moment I have two novels I'm "working" on. One is a paranormal romance....which I seem to write often for some reason. And the second...I'm not sure how to categorize but it's not a romance and definitely out of my comfort zone. I have a friend who thinks that's a good thing and the story could be my 'claim to fame'....but, there's that doubt creeping in again.
Regardless, I am going to try to get at least one of the novels completed this year. I will keep you posted.
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, January 16, 2021
When my son was two, he told me he wanted to be a police officer. It was a very proud moment to know, even at age two, he believed in right and wrong; that the bad guys should be in jail. I was once told I should be a cop too, I think because I was aggressive and didn't take shit from anyone. But, I didn't pursue that career because I'd have been an angry cop because criminals piss me off. Which explains why, for the last four years, I've been livid.
Yes, I feel like I've been angry all the time. My niece said I should step away from social media. Maybe...but then, where would I play my games? 😀 Yes, social media is one of the root problems of my anger because I am constantly seeing memes that are geared to make one angry. I really long for the days when the internet didn't exist; when everyone kept their bullshit to themselves instead of spewing it all over us. However, even without the internet, there would still be the media. No, I don't buy into the whole "fake news" mantra started by Hitler and shared by trump. If we see him screaming, "punch them in the face" or mocking a disabled man, or telling his cult to march to the capitol to stop an election....it isn't fake. The only thing fake is the trump presidency.
Now that we are FINALLY rid of that orange shit stain, will we all be less angry? Will we welcome our disowned family back into our lives? Can we forgive and forget? In a word....NO. At least, I can't.
Friday, January 15, 2021
Wednesday, January 13, 2021
When I first started writing a blog I always titled it with a song or lyrics to a song...it became a sort of theme for the blog. Also because....who doesn't want a song stuck in their head all day?? 😱
This time, it's more of a "sliding into old habits' kinda thing. I went two days without posting a blog...not that the nine people who meander onto this page, noticed. As you may tell, I'm not all that popular. Never have been. I'm especially unpopular in my family....but we won't go there.
Anyway....How is your new year coming along? Mine? Meh. I keep telling myself I'm going to go back to writing, then spend the whole day doing something else that ends up vegging in front of the TV. I don't know why writing has become unenjoyable for me. I still have stories I want to write, and, for part of my day, think of scenes to write or dialogue to speak, but when it comes to opening up the file...I balk. Maybe the reason is because I'm unhappy. Unhappy with the world. Unhappy with life. Unhappy with me.
I really have no reason to be unhappy. I have a wonderful husband, whom I love dearly (even when he gets on my nerves--haha). We've been together 30 years and have raised four wonderful children, one of whom has blessed us with an adorable granddaughter. My husband, aka sidekick, is still working, despite the pandemic. All of us, including my children, have stayed healthy. I have a roof over my head, food in the pantry....we're doing well.
The issue is...Me.
So, what am I supposed to do to "fix me"? I tried meditation...lasted about a minute...I think I'm too ADD for that. I wanted to try yoga, but back, shoulder and knee problems make that difficult. I do try to go for walks, but always find an excuse not to. I'd try CBD, but it's not really legal here.
What do you do to keep happy? What motivates you?
Sunday, January 10, 2021
Happy Sunday Everyone!
Today is one of those stay in the PJ's and read a good book, kinda days. Although I may try to get some writing done (outside of this blog). Right now it's raining and the temperature is 39 degrees...way too cold for me!! I'm about to go put on some gloves!Today is also a good day to make gumbo for dinner. I usually make it from scratch with chicken and sausage, but today I'm using Zatarain and adding shrimp. I'm using the box, which isn't bad, because making the roux smokes up the house and it's too cold to open doors and windows to 'clear the air'.
What is your favorite cold weather meal? Leave me a comment and maybe the recipe....I'm always looking for new ideas.
Thanks for reading!
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Saturday, January 09, 2021
I'm Terri Molina, best-selling, multi-published author of Tex-Mex Romance and this is my Official page, since I don't have a website.
So, if you've been reading me lately, you'll note my outspoken anger over the past few days. It may have turned you off and had you saying to yourself "Fuck her, I will never buy her books" yada yada. If so....well, not much I can do about that. I won't apologize for my anger and I shouldn't have to.
ANYWAY....Yesterday is the past, today is the present and tomorrow is the future. Let's see what we can do to move forward.
So, today is Saturday....football day as my husband will have it. Three games he'll be vegging today and tomorrow. Although, if he wasn't watching football he'd be watching golf....just as equally boring. Actually, I used to watch football....when I was younger and before I got married (nearly 30 years ago). I still occasionally watch the Super Bowl...depending on who's playing and how exciting it's expected to be (but, yeah, mostly for the commercials). So, while he's killing brain cells doing that, I'm trying to decide what to do to pass the time. I should be writing (this blog doesn't count) but I can't get motivated to do so. I'm worried about my daughter in LA. She hasn't been working since March, almost a year, and is four months behind on her rent (which anyone in Cali will know is astronomical) and she's still unable to find work. What little she gets from unemployment covers her car insurance about 2% of her rent and food. We help her out as best we can (we pay her $325 car note) but we barely make any money. I set up a GoFundMe page, but I haven't posted it anywhere. Growing up poor and finding baskets of donated food on our doorstep was humiliating enough. Asking people for money is just as bad. But, that's my child and I'd do anything for my children.
Thank you for reading. I hope you come back....I think you can even subscribe to this page....I forget how it works. Anyway...have a terrific day!
Friday, January 08, 2021
Well, yesterday was a shitshow. If you weren't paying attention, trump and his ilk stormed the capital in DC and tried to overthrow the election. Then, the cocksuckers tried to blame it on the Anti-Fascists' and the Black Lives Matter group, all the while posting pictures and videos of themselves vandalizing and shitting all over a government building and our constitution!! Those trumpers are so fucking stupid!!! I just can't with them!
Shocked by my language? Too Bad. I. Am. Pissed. Off!!! And you should be too!!! Those fucking shitheads should be punished to the full extent of the law...and anyone else who supports them. What they did was NOT patriotic it was domestic terrorism. Even his own staff is resigning because they're too chicken shit to stay and invoke the 25th amendment!!!
I am so glad Biden and Harris will be taking over the lead for his country and I sure hope they press charges and lock that orange shitstain in prison!!
And to Facebook and Twitter who both banned me (FB for calling someone a cockroach) FUCK YOU!!
Thursday, January 07, 2021
It goes without saying that yesterday was a horrible day in our nation's history. I'm still angry about it but more so that the people I grew up with, that I considered brothers & sisters, are blaming everyone but trump and themselves for the insurrection and violence. They're claiming it was rigged by ANTIFA. That, because they wore gasmasks and carried guns, they were BLM protesters (uh....hey dumbass, they were White, and don't GAF about BLM). I am so deeply ashamed of those people and their ignorance. They aren't going to change and are going to continue their hate and divisiveness like their 'leader'. But it truly breaks my heart that I can no longer associate with them.
Yeah, sure, those 'holier-than-thou' are going to say..."you shouldn't let politics ruin your friendships or come between family...blah blah blah" But, I'm not going to turn a blind eye to their hatred. I'm not going to ignore that they agree with white supremacy (and they aren't even White!) I'm not going to pretend that they 'pick and choose' who deserves justice.
Yesterday's violence at the capital happened because trump ordered it, and had been planning it since the beginning of the year, whether you want to admit it or not. That man is Evil! He has always been Evil and he brought the evil, vile, cockroaches out of the crevices when he decided to run for office---as a republican because he knew how weak-minded and gullible they are and knew he could lead them into the sewer with him.
Come on! How can Anyone with even Half a brain believe the election was rigged??? They sure didn't think so when Hillary lost, even when she won the popular vote by millions. How can these half-brained dimwits believe those assholes storming the capital weren't trumpers? What will it take to 'turn on the light' for these people? What more has to happen to this country?? Really! I want to know.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris WON this election FAIRLY!! And, by a landslide, as trump likes to falsely brag about himself. When trump stole the election in 2016 everyone said, "give him a chance, he's a businessman, he'll do good" while those of us with brains and morals said...."he doesn't know wtf he's doing and is going to be the worst president in history!" Guess who was right? The brains!
It's going to take a lot to bring unity back to the United States (which is a joke of a title now) and to start we need to make Every Single GOP accountable. trump needs to be held accountable!! ted cruz needs to resign! pence needs to get a backbone and enact the 25th Amendment!
The storm on the capital was not someone just wanting to "have their voice heard". It was sedition. It was an insurrection. And those who believe otherwise, should be held accountable as well!
And, to all those people, I say FUCK YOU!!
Wednesday, January 06, 2021
Today, January 6, marks the Epiphany, known to Catholics as the day the three wise men reached Jerusalem and acknowledged the birth of Christ. Ironically, today is also the day congress will certify Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as President/Vice President.
Now, if you've been paying attention, that orange shitstain currently in the white house is still trying to overthrow the election he LOST in November. It really boggles the mind how so many people believe his bullshit.
Okay....I'm not going to make this about 'him'. I'd rather not have the angina. I just hope and pray we get our country and morality back.
So, anyway, today being the Epiphany, it means it's time to take down the Christmas decorations. Which I have done. It's amazing how much space you can garner when you don't have a six foot tree in the way.
Now that the decorations are stored and the holidays are officially over, it's time to start the new year. Meaning, working on those resolutions until you give up. Personally, I don't make resolutions any more than I make goals....because I don't like to me told what to do, even by me. haha
So, if you're reading, tell me what your resolutions are. Do you make any? How long before you break them?
Thanks for reading.
Have a joyous day!
Tuesday, January 05, 2021
Monday, January 04, 2021
Okay, I'm four days late, but it's the thought that counts, right?
After spending the entirety of a Sunday trying to build a nice author site (or even a decent one) I gave up. I will no longer have an author site. And, really, what good did it do me? It was a pain in the arse to update...unlike Blogger, which I will now use as my official website. My books are there --> on the sidebar and you can click each one to read a preview or even order, should you so desire.
So....let me Officially Welcome you to my Blog/Website!
I hope you enjoy my musings and feel free to drop me a note.
Have a fabulous rest of your day!