Thank you to my Friends

I just want to send out a special Thank You to Brenda and Lynn for reading and commenting and caring so much. I don't know what I'd do without friends like you two.

Like I mention in the previous blog, I think it's mostly hormones making me feel so whiny....or rather the lack of homones...I don't think my HRT works. My "depression" could also be due to the fact that the year is almost over....I'm always down near the end of the year. Must me a mental thing...or a getting old thing.

Anyway, I'm starting to feel somewhat better (could be the herbal tea I'm drinking) and, although I haven't started writing again, I've jumped back on the horse (so to speak) and started submitting to a couple of publishing houses. It'll be months before I hear from them...if at all...so in the meantime I'm hoping to get some reading in. I have several books staring at me...wondering when I'm going to get them read. So, I should do that.

Anyway (yes, I say that a lot) I'll probably try to post more on the blog front too...not that I have much to say.

Well....almost time to get the girls from school, then feed them, then go to number four's baseball game. He went 0-3 at Tuesday's game, so hopefully he'll do better tonight....he's the clean-up batter. Tomorrow child # 1 has his physcial and psyche eval for the sheriff's department...so...wish him luck!! Not that he needs luck to show he isn't psycho. Child number three was supposed to be an extra in a film today, but they booked over her, so she lost the spot. Bummer. But, at least I'm not spending the evening sitting in a waiting room while she films, and missing my son's ballgame.

Did I say I was leaving? yeah. okay. Thanks for reading and for being my friends. ;-)

Time for me to Fly

I was going to write a blog...but didn't really have anything to say so I thought I'd post the lyrics to an old song that I find expresses so many of my feelings at times....and right now it's dead on where my writing is concerned. Yeah, it sounds whiney on my part....I don't care. I've lost my love for writing...or my motivation...I definitely lost my confidence. Of course, it could all just be hormones...or lack there of....and I may or may not get it back...the confidence, not the hormones....keep up.

Anyway....here's the song....extra points if you can guess the artist.

TIME FOR ME TO FLY

I've been around for you I've been up and down for
youBut I just can't get any relief
I've swallowed my pride for youI've lived and lied
for you But you still make me feel like a thief
You got me stealin' your love away' Cause you never
give it
Peeling the years away And we can't relive
it
I make you laugh And you make me
cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

You said we'd work it out You said that you had no
doubt That deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I'm tired of holding on To a feeling I know
is gone
I do believe that I've had enough
I've had enough of the falseness Of a worn out
relation
Enough of the jealousy And the
intoleration
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

Time for me to fly
Oh, I've got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
And that's just how it's got to
be
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But it's time for me to fly

Disillusioned

During one of my many letdowns in the attempt to be a published writer, I questioned if I should give up on my two novels and move onto the next one since I'm having such difficulty finding new representation. One online friend suggested, "if you find this business too hard, quit." It was his tough love way of saying, stop whining (which, incidently, I wasn't--at the time). However, now I have to wonder if his suggestion doesn't warrant looking into? After four years of trying to sell my work (and now trying to find a new agent) I have to wonder if it's something I really want to do? Granted, four years isn't a long time compared to others, but for me it's been a lifetime. Do I really want to continue putting my heart on the line only to have it crushed with rejection? The last two agent rejections, from two long-time respected agents, both made it clear I don't have what it takes (writing-wise)....and really to be honest, I don't have the heart to keep going. I'm tired of being sad, depressed, hurt, second-guessing myself. I'm not a writer....at least not the kind anyone wants to publish.

Maybe the problem is I want it too much and therefore am psychically sabotaging my chances.

Another online friend is always talking about signs, so maybe I should start looking at them too.

I used to think finding an agent was validation that I could write.....now....not so much.

For now all I know is, this is too hard and I'm ready to quit.